India Retreat #4

Monday 9th February 2026

My final full day in Rishikesh and it was the earliest start. Anjali was waiting for me at 5:30am for our trip to Kunjapuri temple. It was another 30 minute drive with the intention to get there in good time for sunrise which was scheduled for 6:30am. The road was long and winding up the mountain with lots of switchbacks. I was grateful that, at this time in the morning, there was no oncoming traffic! It was still dark when we arrived and it was really quite cold. I had been warned, but it was the third early morning, "it will be cold" warning I had received and the other two I had been too hot. I was annoyed that I hadn't nipped back to grab my hat when we were waiting for our car in the lobby!

It wasn't far to walk (for a change), and the cold really became apparent when we reached the bottom of the steps to the entrance of the temple and had to remove shoes. If I had known I'd have worn two pairs of socks! I logged our altitude, at 1650m we were higher that Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in Great Britain. No wonder it was so cold! At the top of the 312 stairs, Anjali rang the bell to announce our presence. I wasn't sure if I should follow her lead (sometimes I did, not on this occasion). We walked around the various enclosed altars, and took shelter in one while we waited for sunrise and the main temple to open.

Kunjapuri Temple is one of 52 shaktipeeth temples. Legend has it that the goddess Sati, first wife of Shiva, threw herself in the yajna fires when her father disrespected her husband, and died. A distraught Shiva carried her dead body throughout the Himalayas, dropping various body parts as he went. Sati's torso is said to have fallen at the site of Kunjapuri temple ("Kunja" means "chest" in Sanskrit).

As the light lifted the mountains came into view. We weren't to get a proper sunrise due to the clouds, but there was a moment of dramatic, deep orange sky. At some point between 6:30-7am, the main temple, which had previously been locked, was opened and the ceremony began. The temple was tiny, with the door not really wide enough for more than one person to go in or out. There was a priest chanting, and another person in assistance. With three other people sat, there really wasn't space to stay! I took my blessing and tilak (this time with a grain of rice) and left. It was a real shame as I would have liked a few minutes to take a look around and enjoy the mantra.

I took a few more photos and we left back down the stairs. This time I did follow Anjali's lead in ringing the bell, turning around and touching hand to forehead in reverence. Shoes back on, we found our way to the car but there was no driver! Anjali tried to call him, no answer. She called the office, and after about 20 minutes she was clearly getting a little worried. I enjoyed the view and the birds (one particularly tame one came close to me). I wasn't too panicked, I was sure that another car could be sent but I was a little worried for the welfare of our driver! Eventually he was found (I think he was just deep in coffee and conversation) and we headed back.

This was the best breakfast all week - pancakes with chocolate sauce and bananas! We all tried not to eat too many of them, even when they kept coming. I had my last yin yoga session and left knowing that I should do more yin yoga in the future (I need to buy some bolsters for my yoga room!). After lunch I had time to do my final shopping. I still hadn't bought my Lakshmi figure, so I headed back down the hill to the shopping street I had been shown the night before. I looked at a few, but a particularly shiny one seemed most appropriate for the goddess of wealth and abundance. The figures are sold by the gram, so it was weighed and payment taken. It also occurred to me that I ought to buy some gifts, so I made those purchases too. 

I didn't really have time to go all the way to the river for one final visit, so I found a cafe with a view and ordered a masala chai. I had got quite used to eating from a low table cross legged. I sat and took in the last few moments in the bustling peace that was Tapovan. On the way home I went into a spice shop that was on the main path into the town. I'm sure it was not the cheapest place to buy spices, but I wanted some cinnamon and turmeric for my daily morning drink (I have it with lemon, honey and hot water). I also bought some garam masala and masala chai spices (I guarantee that will be something that tastes better on holiday than at home!). 

My last massage with Puja was at 4pm. I wanted to gift her something, so I bought a tiny Saraswati. It hadn't cost me much, but she was overwhelmed with gratitude at the gift. I wasn't sure if gifts of goddesses were the correct thing to do, but her joy made me feel glad that I did it. She had been so lovely and the massages had been a really vital part of the whole retreat.

My day finished with another Ashtanga yoga session. I don't know if I'm glad I only had two Ashtanga classes or wish that I had more! It was a punishing class even though Anjali is such a gentle and lovely teacher and I almost collapsed at one point. As hard as they are, I would have inevitably found it easier as the week went on if there had been more of them. It had been good to have a variety of classes, and I knew that this would change my practice when I returned home. One last amazing dinner - although I've never felt so judged as when I said to my largely vegetarian and vegan fellow residents that I felt my body might be missing meat!

Tuesday 10th February 2026

I had one last Hatha yoga class with Anjali at 7am. It felt like it had been ages since we did Hatha (the last one was the puppy yoga on the beach!). We finished with Bhastrika pranayama, a forceful breath which I have done but not practiced regularly. As always, the presence of a teacher pushed me far beyond my comfort zone. I mean that in a good way. We chatted afterwards and I told her how grateful I was for her teaching. I explained how difficult releasing into stretches is for me - she worried that she had caused me pain, but I assured her the "pain" was not a bad one. It was a resistance that needed external influence to push through.

I did most of my packing before breakfast and finished it afterwards. My very last session was a sound healing with Monica-ji. This was one of the most intense energy experiences I have ever felt. I've been to a sound bath before, but this was one-on-one which meant she could physically move the singing bowls around my head. I could feel the vibrations throughout my body, as though the atoms of my physical form were being viscerally moved by the sound. I could clearly feel each chakra as she moved through the different tones. Monica-ji asked me afterwards if I felt relaxed and I told her that I wasn't relaxed, I was energised. I felt fizzy, like every cell in my body had been activated.

I had two hours before lunch and my departure and I did still want to take home some art so another shopping trip was needed. I went into an open fronted shop that I had passed many times but not been in. I was quite often out and about in my boots, and slipping them off to go into many of the shops which asked for shoes to be removed was awkward. I had sneakers on today so going into this shop was easier. I was drawn to the yantras, square shaped, geometrical piece of art that are often used for meditation. I liked the starkness of the black and gold ones, and picked out one that particularly spoke to me. It wasn't too big and would definitely find a space on my yoga room walls.

While I was waiting for the shop assistant to find a card machine that worked, I looked around at the other items, many of them musical. If I had another suitcase I would have bought a full set of sound bowls! A sign really interested me from a musical point of view; the root chakra is a musical note C. I thought about whether that relates to why western music gravitated towards a "middle C" and why the C major scale is the one without any sharps and flats.

Back in my room, I finished the packing and made it down for my last meal at the Hare Rama Institute, taking a few photos of the place I had called home for the last week. It was a nice opportunity to say farewell to the teacher trainees who had been such an important part of my retreat. I wanted to leave them a gift and I had a copy of my book with me (always carry a copy of your book with you!) I thought about taking it down for lunch, but instead I decided to leave it as a surprise on the dining table just before I departed. Sadly it seemed to disappear and never got passed to the people it was intended for.

Back into the car and heading to the airport, I took in the final vibes of the traffic, the people, the views down to the Ganga. I grabbed a photo of a water tower for my friend Craig who collects them - I'd noticed them on the way in and made a mental note to get the snap and a pin of the location. Checking in to Dehradun was simple. I had a brief look around the small airport but really just wanted to go straight to the gate. I found a seat next to a bag, checking with the person the other side that the seat was free. After a while it seemed that no-one knew who owned the bag - as security were notified I walked as far away as I could while still being near the gate. There was no drama. Our flight was delayed a little but, with an 8 hour layover in Delhi, I was in no rush. I had again paid for a window seat and enjoyed the snack on the short flight.

In Delhi I knew I had to collect my luggage and re-check in this time. Delhi airport was really confusing with lots of entrances that seemed to suggest I had to check in before entering, but with multiple airlines on my journey, checking in online was proving difficult. Eventually someone directed me to the correct entrance and the correct check in queue. My final security check of the holiday and then the long wait. I had already decided to pay for the lounge for a a few hours but I wanted to pick a few hours in the middle of my layover. I set my watch to UK time, the intention to try to move myself back into the time zone during my travel. I meandered around the shops, not really wanting anything but just using some time. I bought some Indian sweets for work. After sitting on an uncomfortable seat for an hour, I decided it was lounge time.

I paid for 3 hours in the lounge - I probably could have paid for two as they never seemed to kick anyone out and I ended up there for four hours in any case. My favourite thing about buffets is that you can have an entirely illogical plate of food. Random Indian food items, a glass of red wine and I found a seat. I returned a couple of times, once for random non-Indian food, once with a plate full of ALL the desserts. These sorts of desserts are always disappointing aren't they? Brightly coloured, very sweet but no substance or real flavour apart from "sweet". I got a hot flush, I think from the wine and the over consumption of random food after a week of plain wholesomeness. I certainly didn't feel the need for any more alcohol as I found a comfy seat. I tried to charge my phone but none of the ports seemed to work so I just charged it from my portable battery. I had an amazing lemonade made from fresh lemons, salt and soda water which did wonders to hydrate me. I don't think I got my moneys worth in food and drink, but it was worth the spend to have a comfy chair.

I didn't want to push my luck so I made my way to the gate an hour before the flight. It being a night flight, I wasn't sure whether to choose a window or aisle I decided I would rather have the option of getting out of my seat if needed without disturbing people (hello perimenopause) so I was in an aisle seat. As it happened the others in my row settled in and didn't move until the lights came up. I didn't really sleep, but dozed, occasionally listening to meditative music through the plane entertainment system.

The rest of the journey - changing at Munich, through Manchester security, train home - was uneventful. I grabbed naps as and when I could, whilst also putting my body into morning mode with coffee. On the train back to Chorley, I posted the following on Facebook.

"Lots of people said they hoped I’d “find” what I was looking for, but I didn’t go to India to “find” anything. I went to loosen. I went to shed the layers that have swaddled and comforted me into lethargy. I went to let go of all the things that I know hold me back.

The body is a metaphor, and when my teacher Anjali adjusted me and physically stretched me beyond what I could do on my own, I realised how much I hold myself back and make myself small. I have given so much to individuals in relationships and close friendships that I’ve abandoned myself and avoided doing the big work. But the big work needs doing and I owe it to the world to do it.

I’m here to change the world. To make human lives better and happier. Not one by one - and that’s no belittlement, we ALL have a duty to do that. I’ve always known my reason for being is bigger than that.

So now the work starts. And it’s scary to make these statements publicly, but I need to do this so you can all hold me to account.

I ain’t doing this alone. The Fire Horse arrives next Tuesday. And then we change the world.

Are you with me?"

India Retreat #3

Saturday 7th February 2026

The cathartic emotional release the night before definitely cleared my head and heart, but I woke up with my body feeling really tired. The combination of twice-daily yoga, hill walking, daily massages (oh the hardship) and a very hard bed were impacting me physically. But also the accumulation of forty years of anger, sadness, heartbreak, fear and frustration that I was realising I hold tight within this physical form.

Today was my birthday.

It was an earlier start with a 6:30am departure to Vashistha Cave. On arrival we descended the 200 steps to the beach for our morning yoga session. We seemed to walk around the back of some houses, and there were a number of dogs about. This wasn't unusual, but as we found our spot on the beach a pesky puppy was convinced we were there to play. I would move into Downward Dog and look down into it's excited eyes - it wasn't entirely unlike yoga at home when Missy cat decides to join in! Anjali was desperately trying to shoo the puppy away, but obviously when you throw something for it to run after, it just brings it back. It was all quite amusing until it nipped at her - her usual yogic calm left her and her patience ran out. The puppy finally got the message and we could end the session with the sound of the waves and the barking in the distance.

Vashistha Cave is an ancient cave where Sage Vashishta, the human son of Lord Brahma and one of the seven great sages who passed the wisdom of the Vedas. According to Hindu mythology, all of Sage Vashishta's children died and he decided to drown himself in the river Ganges. The river rejected his suicide and, overcome with sorrow, he sought solace in deep meditation in this cave. It's a small space, lit only by candles and oil lamps. We sat on cushions, and took the opportunity to meditate in the cool stillness. We had timed our visit well as we were the only ones in the cave to start with. As more people came in, Anjali gently nudged me to leave. I had wished I had taken a seat further from the entrance - my eyes had accustomed to the darkness and I would have liked the chance to look at the altar. I could definitely have stayed and meditated a lot longer.

A Yin yoga session back at the Institute followed and it was the first time I started to feel my body release. Angali was so kind in providing the support I needed. My massage followed, then lunch with more deep, emotional conversations.

I didn’t get a chance to dip in the Ganga during our beach visit, but I was determined to feel the water on my birthday. So after my massage I walked back down the hill, through the market to the river. I took a towel and a change of clothes and didn’t take my phone (I was going alone and didn’t want to risk losing it). I also took my remaining US$ to change into Rupees which I did at the same shop where I had previously looked at the Lakshmi figurine.

I considered crossing the bridge to a more beach-like area where I had previously seen a lot of people submerging themselves. I don't know why I didn't take that option, it was so obviously an easy access point to the water. Instead I walked further round where I had been previously, hoping that the quarry would eventually turn into the promised "beach". It didn't. I left my bag and shoes in a dry spot, and gingerly walked on the rocks towards the water. An Indian girl asked me "are you going in?" in a slightly bewildered tone! I replied, "I wanted to, but I don't think I will."

In the end the rocks and the speeding current were good enough excuses for me to just paddle, then sit with my feet in the river. Despite the water being way below my usual comfort temperature, I stayed for - at a guess - about an hour. There was a freedom to not having my phone, not wanting to take photos.  I cleansed my mala beads and poured water over my head and body - I didn't submerge myself in the water, but I did feel the need to drench myself in the Holy water. I wondered if I could stay until sunset, but I had a meditation session to return for and I realised the sun was still too high in the sky. It was genuinely a cleansing and revitalising experience. 

I felt very safe and at home. I found my way back without any worries or the need for Apple Maps. I felt fresh and alive, and the walk back up the hill was almost easy. I bought some celebratory chocolate cake from the French bakery near the Institute to have after dinner.

I don't actually remember the meditation at 6:30pm. Sometimes I think that's a sign of a good meditation, when you are in such a calm mental state that you don't recall how you got there. Everyone was extra lovely at dinner, and afterwards I returned to my room, ate my cake, opened the only birthday card that arrived before I had left and caught up on all my birthday messages.

It was the most wonderful, quiet, peaceful birthday.

Sunday 8th February 2026

I had some friends join me for today’s trip, yay!

It was the teacher trainees day off, so more likely I joined them on THEIR trip, a 6:30am start and early morning hike to Neerwaterfall. Josh, John, Emma, Sara and I piled into the car, along with Suraj-ji who was to guide us today.  The drive to our start point was about 20-30 minutes. The path started gentle enough, steadily uphill with a number of very steep parts. Suraj-ji was good at judging when the group needed to pause, and I was realising how rarely I do this level of physical exertion before eating!

The waterfall was gorgeous, two channel cut into the limestone. John wasn't pausing for a second at the opportunity to dive in, I sensed the American was very adept at cold water swimming. Josh followed, a little more tentatively. Sara stripped to a swimsuit, but didn't quite make it in. She and I were content to dip our feet in - this time I knew I was never going to brave enough to dive in! It was very cold, but it was only 7:30am. Suraj-ji had brought us here early for a reason - the place would be packed with tourists later.

We continued uphill, and this was where the path got really difficult. Narrow, pebbly, and with a sheer drop to the side, it wasn't for the faint-hearted. 15-20 minutes later we arrived at the end of the trail, Neer Himalayan Camp and Cafe. We were told about the campsite and how some people stay for days, some for months. It's incredibly remote. We ordered tea and enjoyed the sound of the stream running past and the birds in the trees. I always enjoy seeing birds that are different to those in my home country. I also marvelled at seeing genuine Himalayan terrace farming! One of the earliest blogs I wrote (still available here!) was when I was WWOOFing for 8 months back in 2007. Our first stop was on the Lancashire / Yorkshire border where the landowner was attempted to model Himalayan step terraces in the Pennine hills. I don't think it really occurred to me until this moment that I was actually in the Himalayas!

The sun peaked out over the hills as we left. The walk down was less exhausting, but felt more treacherous. As warned, the path was busier and passing places were at a premium on the narrow path. There were quite a few people around the waterfall as we passed, and we were glad that we had already enjoyed it, all to ourselves. When I checked Strava at the end of our walk, I noticed the path was a very manic squiggle. I think it struggle with GPS signal!

Breakfast was very very much appreciated after the morning exercise! My massage was straight after breakfast, so I had a head massage rather than a full body one. Another yin yoga session followed - these were definitely getting a little easier and I was finding myself able to release into the poses quicker than at the beginning of my stay. 

As it was the teacher's day off, it was also the kitchen staff's day off so there was no lunch or dinner. This flexibility meant I think a lot of the trainees took the time to visit the town and the Institute itself was quite quiet. I felt a need to do some mantra chanting, so I took to the rooftop terrace hoping no-one would be there, grabbing a bolster from the cupboard on the way (it took me two days to realise there were some yoga mats on the terrace!). I mainly chant short bija mantras, but I'm not quite at the point where I have committed many to memory. It isn't just the words, but the meter and the "tune" (normally just a base note with one note above and one below). I felt confident enough to try 108 Gayatri mantras. I brought the words up on my phone, set the phone so the screen wouldn't go off, settled myself with my mala beads and set off. While I don't have all these mantras in my long term memory, it's not surprising that repetition for 108 times makes it easy to commit to short term memory, meaning I could close my eyes after 30-40 rounds. The sun was hot and I could feel my skin burning but I was determined to complete the meditation on the sound. I occasionally wondered if there was someone on the terrace with me, not from sound but from presence, but when I opened my eyes I was alone.

On our drive back from Neerwaterfall, Josh pointed out a recommended bookshop. I had wanted to investigate "uphill" from the Institute, so I went for a wander. I took a few wrong turns, realised I was really hungry and I didn't want to eat too late before my evening yoga session, so I stopped at a tiny roadside cafe for butter paneer curry and two parathas. It seemed to take ages for them to realise I was there! My initial plan was to buy the books first so I had something to read in while I ate but it hadn't worked out that way.

After I had finished, I DID find the bookshop and spent ages browsing. I bought books on the Upanishads and Tantra, and a third on the speeches of Krishnamurti. I also bought a deck of God and Goddess cards, the exact same cards that I had bought for our Yoga Teachers Together Gathering two years previous. After the bookshop, I also bought some earrings and looked in a few art shops. I love buying art as a souvenir when I'm travelling, but I have to be careful not to buy massive pieces that look amazing in a shop but have no place on my walls! There were so many beautiful pieces, from stunning images of Shiva to more tribal works. I  was balancing travel considerations, cost and wall space with my love of art.

My evening yoga session was in Yoga Room 3, Aerial Yoga. I've done aerial yoga once before, but it was a far more relaxing session than this, far more active session. I really struggled to get my foot up to the bottom of the "sling" of the silks, but otherwise I started to enjoy the complicated postures. Some of them were quite painful where the silk was wrapped around a leg, and I was swinging around far too much, in a way that was almost making me seasick! Anjali steadied me when I arrived in the position to be held. The final postures were a version of Dancer, and a Frog style posture which took some courage to flip upside down into, but that I felt rather happy in once I got there. 

I was still full from my lunch after my class, so I was planning to chill in my room for the evening when I heard my name called up the stairway. Four of the student teachers were waiting for me - we tentatively made plans yesterday to go out together as a birthday celebration and they had waited until my class was finished so I could join them. I put on my pretty skirt that I bought a few days ago (I didn't have much in the way of non-yoga clothes with me) and we headed out. I was hoping we wouldn't go far, but Conny, Emma, Sara, Larissa and I ended up at a fab restaurant called Tat in town with a beautiful view over the Ganga, lights twinkling in the water. There was an incredible lit up bridge in the distance which seemed to be perpetually in light show mode. I was too full for a proper meal, but dessert always goes to another place. I went for King of Desserts (I saw it advertised elsewhere as Queen of Desserts so it must be a thing. Biscuits, fresh and dried fruit lashings of chocolate sauce and ice cream - not enough ice cream to balance the richness of the sauce! I couldn't finish it which at least meant that everyone else could have some dessert too. They did delicious fruit juices too.

We walked back through a covered shopping street that I hadn't noticed before - I made a mental note to return here tomorrow for the last of my purchases, and clocked the directions so I could reverse them. As someone who has become all too reliant on directions on my phone, I had found my way very comfortably around Tapovan and never felt like I was lost. It had been such a good day in the company of the teacher trainees. While I was feeling ready for my return home, I do wish that I could have spent more time getting to know them.

India Retreat #2

Thursday 5th February

As early as a 7am yoga class might sound, my usual day starts with a 6am alarm, brushing my teeth and then taking to my yoga mat. I don't normally do yoga for an hour though. I was quite nervous about the asana (physical movement) classes as I don't do a lot of asana work, especially since I stopped teaching. I've never been very flexible - on the surface a lot of people would say I'm not very "good" at yoga - so I knew that two classes a day would push me further than I have before. I also already felt that that lack of flexibility was due to me just holding a lot of mental tension in my body. I was hoping this would be the opportunity I needed to let go of a lot of things.

Almost all of my classes were to take place in Yoga Room 2 on the fourth floor. My teacher Anjali introduced herself when I arrived and that was when I found out that I was the only person on the retreat so I would get 1-to-1 tuition. It's always a good idea to book things out of season, you get the best treatment! Our Hatha class started with some pawunmuktasana, wind releasing poses. These are joint mobility poses design to crack the bubbles out of toes, ankles, knees and hips. As we moved into sun salutations, my lack of stretchiness was really starting to show. Anjali was brilliant at manually moving my body deeper into poses. Even twists, which I generally feel I can go deep into, were pulled further than I would be able to hold without assistance.

The way I hold myself back physically was a real metaphor for how I mentally hold myself back. I'm not beating myself up about that, I think we all do and I know a lot of people physically and mentally hold themselves a lot more than I do!

Breakfast was at 9am. I don't think I was ever going to get on board with mung beans for breakfast, but the porridge was good (and very popular!). It was Emma's birthday today, so I wished her a happy birthday. I didn't have anything else planned until lunch, so I took to the roof for more reading. Prior to my departure, everyone kept telling me it would be cold but I was now regretting not bringing sunscreen! 

After lunch I had my first full body Ayurvedic massage. And when I say full body, I mean FULL body. Almost nothing untouched. I soon understood why she was baffled that, as we do in the West, I would suggest she left the room while I undressed. There was no point beyond the paper panties. It was also not exactly relaxing - not as aggressive as I imagined it could be, and it was another opportunity to feel the tension that I perpetually hold in my body. She did leave the room for me to dress, and as I left she gave me a hug and kissed my forehead.

At 4pm I had my first Ashtanga class. Ashtanga yoga is hard! It's bizarre - I have built up strength through weight training over the last 15 months, but so much of that strength felt inaccessible as I felt pushed towards exhaustion. I was seriously doubting if my body could keep up with this for a whole six days.

My first sightseeing trip was in the evening, witnessing the evening Ganga Aarti ceremony. Anjali asked me if I wanted to go by bike or if I would prefer to walk and I chose to walk. It was about 30 minutes down to the Sai Ghat where the evening ceremony takes place around sunset. We took our shoes off and took a seat on the steps on the second row. The ceremony was performed by three priests who repeated a choreographed routine to a number of religious songs, with increasing vigour in the music and increasingly larger oil lamps! I didn't want to take too many photos - apart from the fact that iPhone cameras are not really made for fire and darkness pictures, I was aware that people were there to worship. The family in front of me dialling in an elderly relative on a video chat felt a little less spiritual though! Part way through, one of the smaller oil lamps was passed through the crowd. I copied those who had taken the lamp before me, circling it in the air before passing it to Anjali on my right.

When the priests had finished with the biggest oil lamp (which had about 5 flames burning in it!) an altar was set up with a Shiva figurine, and oil lamp, flowers and a donation box. I still didn't have any rupees (there was also a QR code but I couldn't get it to work). The crowd on the steps filed snake-style down to the altar and I observed what people were doing. What I found interesting was that there were various things you could do, including swiping hands over the fire and "bathing" the head in the gather energy, touching fingers to the altar and then to forehead, lips, or heart. I'm not sure exactly what I did in the end, I just let my hands instinctively go where the energy felt good. My forehead was marked with my first tilak and I was passed a handful of sugar crystals. I felt blessed.

We made it back to the Institute just in time to hear everyone singing Happy Birthday to Emma. Her husband in Italy had arrange for her to receive flowers and a cake which was absolutely lovely. She shared the cake (I was very happy about that!) and talked about if she was finding it strange to be away from home for her birthday. It's perhaps different for me living alone, I always like to be away from home on my birthday, even if I'm still on my own.

I was very tired, and despite there being a very loud party outside I still fell asleep. Over the last few months I had regularly woken at 4am, and I found that I still seemed to wake up at this time, despite the different time zone.

Friday 6th February

My morning schedule was the same as yesterday with a 7am Hatha yoga session. I woke with a headache which stayed with me all day. Anjali chose Bhramari breath, the humming bee breath for my pranayama to try to alleviate the headache and I really enjoyed the class. Maybe it was just so much easier after Ashtanga! 

After breakfast, Suraj-ji was to take me to the "secret waterfall". This was the first time I walked uphill from the Institute. It was a very warm day, Suraj-ji talked about how it was unseasonably warm it was. It was only about 45 minutes but it felt like we were walking for hours! I remembered to put my Strava on about halfway up the hill, but at a guess it was about 3km each way with an elevation of 250m. I pushed myself hard but I had to take some breaks. I felt really unfit, again like I couldn't access the strength I had, but I think it was more a lack of energy after all the travelling. I'm not a sedentary person was definitely exerting my body far more than I usually would, especially in winter.

We passed a pool which looked very inviting. I had worn my swimsuit (which was contributing to me overheating) and I could have stopped for a dip. Maybe I should have taken that opportunity but I decided to continue to the top and stop on the way back down. The waterfall itself was very nice but not particularly spectacular. We stopped at the pool on the way down, but I'm not one for cold water dipping and I had cooled down since the hike up the hill so I was content just to put my feet in. Maybe I should have taken the opportunity for a full body dip 30 minutes earlier!

We got back for lunch, I spent my usual afternoon on the roof reading and then had my massage at 4pm. I mentioned to my masseur Puja that I had a headache so she gave me a little more of a head massage. My calves were feeling particularly tight, but I was gradually allowing myself to relax under her hands.

My evening class was Yin yoga and meditation. I don't know if Anjali saw me doing Hatha and Ashtanga and felt that Yin was what I really needed! Yin is often marketed as relaxing, but my body is so tight that holding a stretch for 3-5 minutes is not a relaxing experience. It is, however, necessary for me. Anjali had some great advice on positioning bolsters, blocks and blankets to give my body the support to invite it to relax into the deep stretches. 

The theme of release carried into the conversation over dinner. People talked about the various therapies they had either experienced or practiced. The group were fascinating to talk to, educated, knowledgeable and open to learning. The company of the group would make this retreat incredibly special.

I definitely needed a good cry, so I retreated to my room and listened to The Sky Above The Rain by Marillion. The original recording of this song never, ever fails to make me cry and this was no exception. I allowed the tears to stream down my face and felt the joy of the emotional release. Tomorrow was my birthday, and they were tears I did not want to carry with me.

India Retreat #1

Monday 2nd February

I'm always quite last minute when it comes to packing. I go away so often that I don't feel that I need to plan and pack and repack in the week leading to a holiday. I also figured that my packing for a yoga retreat would be fairly simple - I didn't need any evening wear, I just needed to throw all my yoga clothes in. I also wanted to travel relatively light to keep room in my case for shopping! Knowing that I was stopping overnight without my main case meant I packed an overnight bag to take as hand luggage.

I had half a plan to catch the 18:35 train to Manchester airport. I finished work at 5pm and I was still faffing a bit when my cleaner Jayne - who usually comes on a Tuesday morning - popped round to do a couple of bits to save her time in the morning, thinking that I would already have gone. She very kindly offered me a lift to the station, which at least gave me a proper deadline to be ready by!

I dialled into a Swarm live coaching call on the train. The Swarm is a year-long speaking mastermind that I joined as part of becoming a public speaker and thought leader in politics. While being in a public space made it difficult to participate, it was a really inspiring session with Brody Lee. When I arrived at Manchester airport, I kept the call running into my earphones while I stomped around the airport, trying to find the Ibis Budget hotel. Apple Maps and the signposts didn't exactly agree, but I eventually navigated through the car parks and around the back of the Holiday Inn.

The room was basic as expected with the cheap option, and it at least would make it easy to get to check in for my 6:30am flight. I could properly join into the call once I was in my room, and when it was done I had a chance to investigate food. The Ibis itself could only offer a frozen pizza for £13, but I could get 15% off at the Holiday Inn which had a proper Turkish restaurant. I had a few tapas style dishes, and couldn't resist a baklava dessert (which was huge!). I increasingly enjoy eating alone and the food was surprisingly good. Returning to my room, I set my alarm for 4am, planning to get up for a quick shower and leave at 4:30am.

Tuesday 3rd February

I slept soundly, but felt I awoke before my alarm until I checked my phone to see what the time was a noticed my alarm had been silently ringing for 20 minutes! I must have turned the ringer volume down, and I don't think I've ever considered that it would affect an alarm that I only use when I'm away from home. I initially cursed, and then felt grateful that I had at least woken up IN time, if not ON time. The shower was quicker than planned and I still managed to leave the room by 4:45am.

Check in and security at Manchester was so quick and easy that I needn't have worried. As I checked in my bag I asked very specifically, "does the bag go all the way through to Dehradun or do I need to collect it?" I was told that it would go all the way. (This will be important later). The security staff are always friendly and helpful even at this early hour, suggesting that I take off my sparkly jumper to save the potential of being searched. It was too early to eat and I didn't need to buy anything so I settled near some screens to read my book and relocated near the gate when it was announced.

My sister bought me Self Compassion by Kristen Neff back in the lockdown Christmas of 2020 and I had recently started to read it. This holiday seemed like a good opportunity to finish the book which delves into the science of self compassion, and references lots of books and theories that I had previously read or come across when I was intently studying the science of happiness. It was good to tune back into that science.

It had been a tough few weeks - a year of self analysis and change. The Chinese year of the Snake had impacted me hard as I shed old layers of who I thought I was, ideas that had been put into my head of being unworthy or unlovable. I had obsessed over relationships and the concept of relationships. 2025 was a year 9 in numerology, the end of a 9 year cycle that had started in 2017, the year after I had left my husband. Cycles were completing, lessons were being learnt. It had been a year of finally reconciling that leaving my husband doesn't make me a bad person. You can tell yourself that over and over, but this was the first time I was really starting to FEEL it. This obsession over love had also been acting as a distraction from getting on with the work I need to do, the work of changing the world. During our call with Brody Lee the night before, I really resonated when he said how people are scared of their own power. I feel that in myself and I see it in society. 

My first flight was to Munich with Lufthansa. The Lufthansa staff were so smart, so efficient, so German! I settled into my aisle seat for take off and I had the most viscerally energetic experience. As the ground fell away, literally at the moment the wheels lifted from the ground, so did my attachment to the things that hold m back. The self doubt. The lack of clarity, The fear of success. It was like the anchoring ropes being cut from a hot air balloon. The energy was indescribable. The plane hit turbulence. I cried and I sighed and it stabilised. I tuned back into the energy and we hit turbulence again.

I stopped because I didn't want the plane to fall out of the sky!

I saw a clear vision of my future and the path towards it. I sat and enjoyed the moment and then turned back to my book for the rest of the flight.

My first priority on arrival at Munich airport was breakfast and my first coffee of the day. I had set my watch to India time to start acclimatising, so I was sort-of pretending it was 2pm already - the early start meant this wasn't difficult! Avocado and eggs on toast was a good start and I mused about how much I loved being in Germany again, even though I was only in the airport. I also realised that I had lost much of my German language knowledge! Whenever I book a trip away, I spend some time on Duolingo to get a sense of the language. I know it will not make me fluent, but it's a great way to build up to a foreign visit. I even did Hindi prior to this retreat! German is my "default" language, the one I do when I don't have anything planned but it had still escaped my brain. Nothing more than "bitte" and "danke" seemed to exist there.

I had two hours between flights, so I wandered round the airport. I fancied more coffee and then fancied a second breakfast of yogurt and muesli. I'm not sure why, I was going to be fed on my next plane journey! Coffee and second breakfast consumed, I headed to the gate for the 11:40 to Mumbai.

I chose an aisle seat in the centre for this leg of the journey, I quite like being able to move in and out of my seat easily on a long journey, and the flight was quiet enough for the middle seat to be empty which meant there was plenty of room. I chatted briefly with a man the other side of the empty seat. The flight was blissfully uneventful. I had a gin and tonic and a glass of wine and enjoyed the airline food which I always do. Getting a meal on a plane is still a novelty to me, I always find the little tray of delights fun. I kept myself occupied with movies; Barbie, Blue Moon and Pink Floyd Live at Pompeii.

Local time at Mumbai when we landed was around midnight. Immigration was fairly simple and didn't seem to take too long. It felt weird not collecting my luggage but I walked through customs and followed the signs to Niranta Hotel. The hotel was inside the airport and was a worthwhile spend of £60 to rest my head and get a shower to start my first full day in India. I double and triple checked that my alarm was correctly set for 5:30am and the volume was up.

I didn't really settle to sleep - despite the long day it was still only around 8pm in the UK. I must have been asleep though, because at 2:30am my WhatsApp started ringing. I ignored it at first, then checked my phone. It showed as Lufthansa. Uh-oh. "You need to collect your luggage, we can't transfer it because this is your first stop in India".

I mean it's obvious really. I should have at least stopped by the carousel to see if it came out. What followed was me running around Mumbai Airport, trying to find where a Lufthansa rep could meet me, the rep having to persuade security to let me back through customs, me then taking my bag through customs, then to the transfer desk only to find that the computers had gone down. I would have to wake up earlier to check my luggage in tomorrow morning...

Wednesday 4th February

I say tomorrow morning, it already felt like tomorrow morning. Back in my hotel room, I was now too awake and too annoyed to go straight back to sleep. I re-arranged my bags a little - having my case meant I could pack more in it and travel lighter in my overnight bag. I changed my alarm to 5am but I didn't get much more than a snooze before I had to be up again. I was very grateful of the shower and change of clothes though, the hotel was definitely a good idea.

When I eventually found departures, I hoped that, given that my luggage already had a tag to Dehradun, I could just drop it off. Nope. I had to join the long, snaking Air India queue. I had two hours until my flight so I wasn't too worried. Just tired and indignant at the extra faff. Security wasn't too time consuming either. Despite knowing I would get breakfast on the plane, I still fancied a Starbucks and muffin (which was bizarrely heated up!) I hadn't been able to get my phone charged in the hotel - I was assured that a European charger would be fine, but neither that nor the USBs seemed to work - so I sat and charged my phone, while I finished the coffee and muffin. The coffee must have been super strong because it hit me really hard! The flight was delayed but I didn't feel in any rush. I waited until not-quite-the-last-minute to head to the gate.

As we walked out to the plane I noted it seemed foggy, but I then realised the brown haze was more smog than fog. It was a 2.5 hour flight and I had paid an extra £3 to guarantee myself a window seat this time. After breakfast I snoozed, waking in time to see us approach the Himalayas. The shadow of the plane was on the ground and we landed to meet it. My flying time was finally over.

I had arranged for Hare Rama Institute to collect me from the airport and found my driver easily. He took my case and I followed him to a car park outside of the airport, about 10 minutes walk away. I don't think he spoke much or very confident English, so I sat in the front of the car, absorbing my first real visuals of India and Rishikesh.

Indian traffic is fascinating. It seems like utter chaos at first - everyone sneaking past anyone at any time, on blind bends, four vehicles wider on a single carriageway road, cars, trucks, buses, tuk-tuks, scooters, motorbikes, pedestrians, cows, dogs. But as I got used to it, you realised that there was just one rule; courtesy. Not driving so fast? Move to the side so you can be overtaken. Coming past? Beep your horn as a warning. It's not chaos, it's hundreds of people moving like a swarm. Instinctively, fluidly, courteously.

We drove through Rishikesh (oddly, I never actually got to visit the town itself), past monkeys, and along roads that looked down to the Ganges. I resisted the urge to take out my mobile for photos and just absorbed the sights, sounds and smells. We got to Tapovan, the town where the Institute is based and it was here I saw some REAL Indian traffic! Up the steep, narrow streets, it appears that it isn't unusual for a digger to stop in the middle of the road and just start digging. My driver had to turn around and take an alternative route but he couldn't get right to the Institute. We stopped at a nearby school and a motorbike was sent to take me the rest of the way. My luggage would follow by foot. Having never been on a motorbike before I was nervous, but Suraj-ji - one of the managers of Hare Rama Institute - assured me he would drive slowly. He was true to his word and within a few minutes we arrived.

I paid the balance of my stay in US dollars and was shown to my room on the second floor. There was filtered water available by the stairwell - I would have to remember to not even brush my teeth with the tap water! I was shown how to heat the water for 10 minutes before taking a shower and left to unpack and decompress. The room was large but the bed was really hard! Once I made myself at home, I lied on the bed for a while listening to the sounds of drums and workmen outside. 

Eventually I felt ready to leave the room and headed up to the rooftop terrace. There I met Emma from Argentina, one of the teacher training students who had arrived about a week earlier. We chatted briefly and I let her continue her studies while I read my book. At 1pm it was lunch time where I met more of the trainee teachers. Some would be staying for a month, some for longer. They came from all over the world - UK, Italy, Austria, Germany, USA and even India! Mealtimes would prove to be incredibly sociable occasions. The food itself was vegan - rice, a veggie stew, a soup / daal, salad and bread. 

I had nothing scheduled apart from my meals on this first day so I braved stepping out into Tapovan with a plan to head downhill to the river. I actually felt incredibly safe and comfortable in the town. It's obviously full of yoga tourists (I'm sure I heard someone call it "yoga Blackpool") and I found it easy to tune into the flow of life and traffic. I looked around at the shops, although I didn't have any rupees to spend yet. I didn't have much of a shopping list but I did want to buy a Lakshmi figurine, the goddess of wealth and abundance. Books, clothes and spices were also on the list. I saw a Lakshmi I really liked but I decided it would be foolish to purchase the first one I saw!

I kept heading downhill until I reached the "beach". That's what it says on Apple Maps, Sachcha Dham Beach. It's actually more like a building site and quarry. I was accosted by a lady who desperately wanted to sell me an offering to the holy river. Despite me insisting no and saying I had no rupees, she forced me into it. And then tried to charge me 100 rupees. I would have gladly paid them (it's about £1), but I didn't have them! 

(Note: You can't import rupees unless you are an Indian resident, you have to buy them there. I knew there was something I should have done during all that time in airports...)

Finally left in peace, I sat and contemplated the river for about an hour. The air was warm, but I was pretty sure the water would not be. I debated whether I would have the opportunity or courage to submerge myself in the river at some point during my retreat. I watched the many white-water rafters speed by and saw a patch on the other side of the river where it seemed many people did bathe.

Walking downhill to the river means walking back uphill to the Institute. I was starting to feel tired from my travelling and lack of sleep. As I came towards the top of the main shopping area, a clothes shop with some light trousers caught my eye. The salesman was good and they took credit cards - it was one of those typical situations where everything is so cheap you end up spending more than you expected! Trousers, two tops, a skirt and a gorgeous silk dress were exchanged for around £60 (and he threw in a scarf of course). 

It really was quite a slog uphill but I found my way back fairly easily. Back in my room I tried on all my new clothes and fell asleep in the dress. I woke up freezing cold about an hour later - once the sun went in the temperature dropped dramatically. Dinner was at 7pm and much the same as lunch. Back in my room I made some notes for this diary, posted my photos on Facebook and set my alarm for 6:30am. I would receive my next-day schedule each evening, and my first day proper would start with Hatha yoga at 7am...