India Retreat #2

Thursday 5th February

As early as a 7am yoga class might sound, my usual day starts with a 6am alarm, brushing my teeth and then taking to my yoga mat. I don't normally do yoga for an hour though. I was quite nervous about the asana (physical movement) classes as I don't do a lot of asana work, especially since I stopped teaching. I've never been very flexible - on the surface a lot of people would say I'm not very "good" at yoga - so I knew that two classes a day would push me further than I have before. I also already felt that that lack of flexibility was due to me just holding a lot of mental tension in my body. I was hoping this would be the opportunity I needed to let go of a lot of things.

Almost all of my classes were to take place in Yoga Room 2 on the fourth floor. My teacher Anjali introduced herself when I arrived and that was when I found out that I was the only person on the retreat so I would get 1-to-1 tuition. It's always a good idea to book things out of season, you get the best treatment! Our Hatha class started with some pawunmuktasana, wind releasing poses. These are joint mobility poses design to crack the bubbles out of toes, ankles, knees and hips. As we moved into sun salutations, my lack of stretchiness was really starting to show. Anjali was brilliant at manually moving my body deeper into poses. Even twists, which I generally feel I can go deep into, were pulled further than I would be able to hold without assistance.

The way I hold myself back physically was a real metaphor for how I mentally hold myself back. I'm not beating myself up about that, I think we all do and I know a lot of people physically and mentally hold themselves a lot more than I do!

Breakfast was at 9am. I don't think I was ever going to get on board with mung beans for breakfast, but the porridge was good (and very popular!). It was Emma's birthday today, so I wished her a happy birthday. I didn't have anything else planned until lunch, so I took to the roof for more reading. Prior to my departure, everyone kept telling me it would be cold but I was now regretting not bringing sunscreen! 

After lunch I had my first full body Ayurvedic massage. And when I say full body, I mean FULL body. Almost nothing untouched. I soon understood why she was baffled that, as we do in the West, I would suggest she left the room while I undressed. There was no point beyond the paper panties. It was also not exactly relaxing - not as aggressive as I imagined it could be, and it was another opportunity to feel the tension that I perpetually hold in my body. She did leave the room for me to dress, and as I left she gave me a hug and kissed my forehead.

At 4pm I had my first Ashtanga class. Ashtanga yoga is hard! It's bizarre - I have built up strength through weight training over the last 15 months, but so much of that strength felt inaccessible as I felt pushed towards exhaustion. I was seriously doubting if my body could keep up with this for a whole six days.

My first sightseeing trip was in the evening, witnessing the evening Ganga Aarti ceremony. Anjali asked me if I wanted to go by bike or if I would prefer to walk and I chose to walk. It was about 30 minutes down to the Sai Ghat where the evening ceremony takes place around sunset. We took our shoes off and took a seat on the steps on the second row. The ceremony was performed by three priests who repeated a choreographed routine to a number of religious songs, with increasing vigour in the music and increasingly larger oil lamps! I didn't want to take too many photos - apart from the fact that iPhone cameras are not really made for fire and darkness pictures, I was aware that people were there to worship. The family in front of me dialling in an elderly relative on a video chat felt a little less spiritual though! Part way through, one of the smaller oil lamps was passed through the crowd. I copied those who had taken the lamp before me, circling it in the air before passing it to Anjali on my right.

When the priests had finished with the biggest oil lamp (which had about 5 flames burning in it!) an altar was set up with a Shiva figurine, and oil lamp, flowers and a donation box. I still didn't have any rupees (there was also a QR code but I couldn't get it to work). The crowd on the steps filed snake-style down to the altar and I observed what people were doing. What I found interesting was that there were various things you could do, including swiping hands over the fire and "bathing" the head in the gather energy, touching fingers to the altar and then to forehead, lips, or heart. I'm not sure exactly what I did in the end, I just let my hands instinctively go where the energy felt good. My forehead was marked with my first tilak and I was passed a handful of sugar crystals. I felt blessed.

We made it back to the Institute just in time to hear everyone singing Happy Birthday to Emma. Her husband in Italy had arrange for her to receive flowers and a cake which was absolutely lovely. She shared the cake (I was very happy about that!) and talked about if she was finding it strange to be away from home for her birthday. It's perhaps different for me living alone, I always like to be away from home on my birthday, even if I'm still on my own.

I was very tired, and despite there being a very loud party outside I still fell asleep. Over the last few months I had regularly woken at 4am, and I found that I still seemed to wake up at this time, despite the different time zone.

Friday 6th February

My morning schedule was the same as yesterday with a 7am Hatha yoga session. I woke with a headache which stayed with me all day. Anjali chose Bhramari breath, the humming bee breath for my pranayama to try to alleviate the headache and I really enjoyed the class. Maybe it was just so much easier after Ashtanga! 

After breakfast, Suraj-ji was to take me to the "secret waterfall". This was the first time I walked uphill from the Institute. It was a very warm day, Suraj-ji talked about how it was unseasonably warm it was. It was only about 45 minutes but it felt like we were walking for hours! I remembered to put my Strava on about halfway up the hill, but at a guess it was about 3km each way with an elevation of 250m. I pushed myself hard but I had to take some breaks. I felt really unfit, again like I couldn't access the strength I had, but I think it was more a lack of energy after all the travelling. I'm not a sedentary person was definitely exerting my body far more than I usually would, especially in winter.

We passed a pool which looked very inviting. I had worn my swimsuit (which was contributing to me overheating) and I could have stopped for a dip. Maybe I should have taken that opportunity but I decided to continue to the top and stop on the way back down. The waterfall itself was very nice but not particularly spectacular. We stopped at the pool on the way down, but I'm not one for cold water dipping and I had cooled down since the hike up the hill so I was content just to put my feet in. Maybe I should have taken the opportunity for a full body dip 30 minutes earlier!

We got back for lunch, I spent my usual afternoon on the roof reading and then had my massage at 4pm. I mentioned to my masseur Puja that I had a headache so she gave me a little more of a head massage. My calves were feeling particularly tight, but I was gradually allowing myself to relax under her hands.

My evening class was Yin yoga and meditation. I don't know if Anjali saw me doing Hatha and Ashtanga and felt that Yin was what I really needed! Yin is often marketed as relaxing, but my body is so tight that holding a stretch for 3-5 minutes is not a relaxing experience. It is, however, necessary for me. Anjali had some great advice on positioning bolsters, blocks and blankets to give my body the support to invite it to relax into the deep stretches. 

The theme of release carried into the conversation over dinner. People talked about the various therapies they had either experienced or practiced. The group were fascinating to talk to, educated, knowledgeable and open to learning. The company of the group would make this retreat incredibly special.

I definitely needed a good cry, so I retreated to my room and listened to The Sky Above The Rain by Marillion. The original recording of this song never, ever fails to make me cry and this was no exception. I allowed the tears to stream down my face and felt the joy of the emotional release. Tomorrow was my birthday, and they were tears I did not want to carry with me.